Tiger Tail
by Fig Newton Salad
Summary: Izumo and Kotetsu are downright sick of being peripheral characters with meaningless lives. They decide to take matters into their own hands but may get more than they bargained for... no perverse pairings


Tiger Tail: Legend of the Unforgettable Ice Cream Flavor

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

The water droplets rolled off the roof of the lean-to onto the cold mud of the street below. One after the other, evenly,

Drip

Drip

Drip

Unceasingly,

Drip

Drip

Drip

_Mesmerizingly…_

"Kotetsu!"

He jumped and dropped his pen. It rolled off the desk of the shanty and landed in the muddy street.

"You okay there…?" Izumo asked, giving him a look. Kotetsu's ears reddened.

"Er… yeah," he said, "Just a little tired I guess." The pen was out of reach. He stuck his foot out from beneath the desk and tried to scrape it back towards him.

"Good," Izumo said, turning back to his magazine, "Because you were getting that la-la land look on your face again."

"Shut up," Kotetsu said peevishly, his foot landing in a freezing puddle of slush. A droplet of water hit the skin of his ankle with a clean _snick._

"Gaaah!" He pulled his foot back under the desk. Izumo gave him a pointed look and flipped the page of his magazine. Kotetsu sighed. Here they were again, sitting in the lean-to, staring at the open gate and the empty street, doing nothing.

Drip

Drip

Drip

And it was raining. Or at least it had been, now it was overcast, freezing cold, muddy and the place was deserted. He peered at the wide street leading out of Konoha, now a sea of freezing mud, littered with stray branches and soggy, dead leaves. Who would even _want_ to attack in this weather? No one! They _why oh why_ were they stuck here?!

"Rain stopped," Izumo commented absently, his eyes flitting slowly over the glossy page of his magazine. Kotetsu turned a condescending stare at him.

"Seriously?" he said drily. "I hadn't noticed."

"Well, that makes you ugly_ and_ stupid," Izumo said disinterestedly. For once, Kotetsu didn't retort. Instead, he leaned his elbows on the flimsy desk and gave a deep sigh.

"Why are we here, man?" he asked.

Izumo looked up at him with round eyes, magazine forgotten. There was a silence.

"You mean… like, why are we here?" he asked in a whisper. "Like, what's the meaning of life? Where are we headed? What…_ lies beyond?!"_

Kotetsu blinked. Izumo was staring at him eagerly, the magazine held limply in his hands, quivering with excitement. His partner cleared his throat.

"Uh…" he said, "I actually meant what I said. There's ah… not really much need for a gate guard today…" He cringed. Izumo sighed and spread his magazine on the desk before him.

"You really had my hopes up there," he said wearily. "I never get to talk about anything interesting."

Kotetsu paused, thinking about this for a moment. Izumo might actually have had something there… When was the last time he had a serious conversation about the meaning of life, the universe and everything?

"You know," he said thoughtfully, "You're right. We don't talk about anything interesting. We don't even get much opportunity—I mean, where do you go to have a real conversation?"

"Other than Hinata's book club?" Izumo said with a half-grin. Kotetsu shuddered, memories of tragic books, earnest discussion about who knows what and frequent fainting spells flooding back to him.

"Don't even bring that up," he said darkly. "We're just lucky we got out of there when we did."

"I agree," Izumo said, meaning it.

The two shinobi sat in silence, watching the bleak, grey afternoon scene before them. The water dripped off the slatted roof of the lean-to steadily.

"What are we good for around here?" Izumo said suddenly. His companion glanced at him in surprise.

"I mean," he continued, "We don't even get to do that many missions. Heck, I can't even remember the last time I did a mission!"

"No," Kotetsu said with bitter sarcasm, "They leave all the _important_ missions to the fourteen-year-olds."

Izumo blew out his breath and rested his chin on his folded arms.

"It's a sad, twisted world we live in, Kotetsu," he said sadly. Kotetsu sat back in his chair and glared out at the bleak afternoon.

"But why do we have to just sit here and not do anything about it?" he asked. "Seriously!"

"Oh, come on, man," Izumo scoffed, "What _can_ we do? We're just a couple of…" he sighed. "Gophers."

"Says who?" Kotetsu said hotly, banging his fist down on the flimsy desk, which groaned violently. "Why do we have to take it lying down?"

Izumo looked up at him from the desk with something of admiration.

"Yeah…" he said, a light beginning to dawn on his face, "Yeah! Why shouldn't we be able to have meaningful lives?"

"Darn right!" Kotetsu cried. "Why should _they_ have all the fun?"

"We should do something about it!" Izumo exclaimed, sitting up energetically.

"Yes!" Kotetsu said, his face beaming with fresh excitement.

The two friends sat staring at each other in silence for a few moments; faces alight with newfound hope, eyes sparkling with anticipation.

"Eh…" Izumo said presently, "Any ideas?"

"Uh…" Kotetsu said, "…No."

He sighed and crumpled back into his chair. Izumo rested his chin on his folded arms again, watching the rain drip off the lean-to's roof.

"There must be something we can do," Kotetsu said restlessly, not willing to give up. "What do you like?"

Izumo chuckled.

"Ice cream," he said promptly. "And sometimes licorice. How about you?"

"I'm _serious_, Izumo," Kotetsu said with a glare. "That doesn't help at all."

"Why not?" Izumo said sarcastically, blowing the hair from in front of his eye. "I like eating ice cream. We could open an ice cream store or something."

Kotetsu gave him a frosty glare and turned away, folding his arms.

"Aw, come on!" Izumo said. "Don't get all emo on me!"

"We have Sasuke for that," Kotetsu said drily. Both of them groaned.

"Maybe I should try that," Izumo said thoughtfully, resting the side of his head on his folded arms on the desk. "Going emo, you know? I do the black hair thing and get some piercings. What do you think?"

"I think I'd have to murder you," Kotetsu said promptly, making renewed attempts to retrieve his pen by scraping at it with his foot. He kicked it, and it skittered away to sink halfway into the grimy mud of the road.

"I'm telling you, then," Izumo said with a yawn, "We should totally open an ice cream parlor."

"Ah, shove it somewhere indecent," Kotetsu said.

They sat in silence. It started raining again, freezing drops of water pattering down on the puddles in the road and the slats on the roof of the lean-to.

"You know what?" Kotetsu said suddenly, "I'll do it."

Izumo raised his head from his arms and stared at him.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Open that ice cream store!" Kotetsu said, sitting up strait again. "I am _so sick_ of just sitting here waiting for some other psycho to attack, sick of seeing all those young flunkies get all the missions, sick of just being useless!"

"Really?" Izumo said in shock. "I wasn't really serious, you know…"

"Well, I am," Kotetsu said decidedly. "You in or what?"

He looked at his partner expectantly. Izumo stared back in surprise. Then, slowly, a grin split his face. He stuck out a hand.

"I'm totally in," he said.

They shook hands firmly.

"Sweet!" Kotetsu said, jumping to his feet. "Now comes the fun part. The first thing we get to do is…"

"What?" Izumo asked.

His friend grinned wickedly.

"The first thing we get to do," he said, "Is quit."


End file.
